Captain Hampton & The Midget Pirates
by The Aquabats
Young Jim, as a lad,
He looked for adventure,
Calamity, danger, whatever was free.
So when he turned ten, he packed his belongings,
And he left home to find his destiny.
Jim, just a boy,
Who's head full of legends,
Of dungeons and dragons,
And pirates and stuff.
So that summer, he snuck on a schooner,
To harpoon tuna,
And get real buff.
The Captain, he said,
"There's danger ahead.
We need some brave men,
To sail and then,
We'll find us those pirates,
Stop them with violence,
To make the ocean safe once again."
Ahem.
Now, the pirates the brave Captain was looking for were the fierce Midget Pirates of Willygoat, the deadliest pirates in the seven seas.
And although they were wee men, they had big swords and were known for gutting many and leaving few alive.
The Captian knew they were heading towards the Sandwich Isles to pillage the giant Ham Farm.
The Captain knew what he must do.
And this, is his story.
Cleaning up the oceans,
Captain Hampton and his crew.
Trouble in the seven seas,
He'll know what to do.
Captain, he hates rubbish,
To him pirates are just soot.
Scallywags and scurvy dogs,
Are crushed under his foot.
Captain Hampton, Captain Hampton,
Ahoy, Ahoy.
Pillaging the Pillagers,
Triumphantly, he'll sail away.
Now, seven weeks into the trip,
And Jim was sick to death,
Of being sick.
Some kind of action he wanted,
As he searched the seas,
For everyday was the same old... stuff.
The night he felt like jumping ship,
But then he heard a crash.
Hit the starboard side of the ship,
And bumped him out of his bunk,
Onto his bottom.
Our heroes drew their swords,
As the midgets swarmed aboard,
The pirates surprise attack.
The tiny buccaneers,
Caught us by surprise,
As we tried to battle back.
It was horrible.
They were everywhere.
And unlike normal midgets, who are usually bright and clever and fun to be around, these Midget Pirates with their beady little eyes and sharp teeth, bore down on us like fierce sharks in a feeding frenzy of blood!
Slashing at us with their swords!
Gutting our bellies!
Poking our bums!
Clipping our knees!
We knew not what to do, for the Captain was nowhere to be found!
Where was the Captain?
Where was the Captain?
Where was the Captain?
Cleaning up the oceans,
Captain Hampton and his crew.
Trouble in the seven seas,
He'll know what to do.
Captain, he hates rubbish,
To him pirates are just soot.
Scallywags and scurvy dogs,
Are crushed under his foot.
Captain Hampton, Captain Hampton,
Ahoy, Ahoy.
Pillaging the Pillagers,
Triumphantly, he'll sail away.
La la la la la la la, la la la la la.
La la la la la la la, la la la la la.
La la la la la la la, la la la la la.
La la la la la la la, la la la la la.
Captain Hampton, Captain Hampton,
Ahoy, Ahoy.
Pillaging the Pillagers,
Triumphantly, he ran away!
